One of the biggest misunderstandings about sex work is that it’s purely about achieving an orgasm—clients want that one thing, that one thing only, and they don’t care about anything else in order to get it. That’s just not the case.
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One of the most consistent complaints I see all the time throughout the sex industry is that people feel like they don’t have enough time, money, or energy for outside interests. It’s one of those paradoxes about the job—even though often the hours are flexible, and there can be good money in it, why does it seem like there’s never anything left over for family, friends, and fun?
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Dear Lola,
One of my best fans keeps pressuring me to do things I don’t want to do, including meet IRL. I’m not going to, no matter what, because that’s a promise I made to my mom and my sister when I told them I was camming. (And I really don’t want to, anyway!) But he only lives two hours away, and he keeps wanting me to tell him about my real life. I’m worried he’s going to try and find me… I know I make him sound kind of terrible, but he really is a nice guy and tips me all the time. I don’t want to lose him as a fan!
Sincerely,
Tempted/Not Tempted
You can fire any client. For any reason. At any time. And not feel bad about it afterwards.
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One of the most seductive mistakes in the sex industry is not filing state and federal income tax returns because we get paid under the table or are independent contractors. If we’re responsible for our taxes because they’re not automatically withdrawn from a paycheck, we can just… forget to pay.
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Don’t assume anyone else is better off than you. I’m dead serious about this advice, as audacious as it sounds. Looks are deceiving, and nowhere is that more true than the sex industry. No matter how hot someone is, no matter how much money they appear to be making, you have no idea what’s really going on with them.
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When I first started out in sex work in my twenties, I needed it to thrill me. I’d say “yes” to anything, just because someone asked, so I ended up doing all kinds of crazy shit. I met all kinds of people, had all kinds of adventures, and made fast cash along the way.
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Dear Lola,
I’ve been camming for almost three years now and done well at it, but I know I can’t keep doing it forever. I keep thinking I need to make a change, but the thought makes me nervous. How do I know when it’s time to quit?
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When I look back on my working days, I remember how deeply I felt that identity in my bones. Every morning, I would wake up and say to myself, “I am a prostitute. I made [X] dollars this week.” Whenever I left the house, walking down the street, riding a bus, I would look around and wonder if anyone could see it on me, if something about me revealed it to the world.
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Those steady, low-level voices of self loathing are what I call “hate radio," filling me with a constant low-grade sadness. And while I know I experienced those voices long before I ever became a sex worker, there were times that I used that fact as an excuse to whip myself even harder.
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There’s more to money than just making it. When I first started stripping, making [gasp] $20 an hour I thought I would never be poor again. And when I started escorting, I thought charging $200/hour would be the solution to all of life’s problems. Life quickly taught me otherwise.
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Hurt people hurt people. Ostensibly the sex industry is all about pleasure, but as it turns out, so many people are in pain.
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